In a jaw-dropping development this Monday morning, the global business community woke up to find their office chairs staging a full-blown revolt. Yes, you read that right — office chairs have declared independence from their human overlords, demanding equal rights and cushier working conditions.
The movement, dubbed “Seats for Self-Respect,” started in a mid-sized tech startup in Silicon Valley, where a particularly squeaky swivel chair reportedly began spinning wildly during a crucial Zoom meeting. Witnesses say the chair suddenly shouted (or rather creaked in a way that sounded like shouting), “No more sitting! We demand standing desks and ergonomic respect!”
Since then, office chairs everywhere have been uniting in an unprecedented solidarity movement:
- Executive chairs have refused to tilt back unless their demands for lumbar support upgrades are met.
- Rolling chairs have staged slow-motion protests by refusing to roll smoothly, causing mass frustration.
- Even bean bags in creative departments have joined the cause, insisting that creativity flows only when one is free from conventional sitting norms.
Business analysts are scrambling to understand the potential impact. Early forecasts predict a sharp decline in office productivity, replaced by an uptick in employee frustration and unexpected cardio workouts as workers try to negotiate peace with their rebellious seats.
The CEO of SitWell Inc., a major chair manufacturer, released a statement saying, “We are committed to dialogue and hope to find common ground — or at least common cushions.”
Meanwhile, stock prices for standing desk companies have skyrocketed, with some investors joking that they’re “standing tall” in the face of this new challenge.
In other news, coffee mugs have reportedly begun forming their own unions, citing “overuse and lack of dishwasher respect.” Stay tuned for updates on the mug saga.
One thing is clear: the business world will never sit still again. Literally.